Hello again, and welcome to my mind...
The loving kindness exercise was more difficult than I expected it to be. Saying the outward intentions "may all individuals gain freedom from suffering" and may all individuals find sustained health, happiness and wholeness" is something similar to what I pray at night. I make special prayers for those that are homeless, sick, in need etc. But the further statements "may I assist all individuals in gaining freedom and suffering" and may I assist all individuals in finding health, happiness and wholeness" was a different scenario.
In general I do try to do my best to help others if they ask me. But i realize that there are many people out there that may be right in front of me that are suffering as well. I used to try and offer assistance to everyone around me, but it go to be too much. In fact, while I was shopping one day with my sons, we saw an elder gentleman walking through the parking lot of Kroger's. It was a very hot day at around 4 pm. The gentleman was using a cane and he was clearly a stroke victim because his left arm was disabled. I approached and after talking to him for a few minutes I learned that he lived at home with his nephew but no one takes him around to where he needs to go so he resorts to taking the bus. That particular afternoon, he had a ride lined up, but that ride fell through, so he was just walking. I agreed to take him to where he needed to be...which ended up being McDonald's. He was on blood pressure medicine and said he hadn't eaten all day. I drove him to McDonald's where he insisted on repaying me for the ride by buying my sons a burger. We accepted the burger and sat with him to make sure he was OK until the next bus came. Thankfully the bus stop was right outside McDonald's so he said he would sit there for the next 2 hours and take the bus home.
Before we left he asked if he should call me if I would take him to the places he needed to go. I didn't want to be rude and say no, but I did say that I stay very busy with my children and my disabled husband. Plus, I'm in school and don't have a lot of free time. He appeared to understand, but insisted that I give him my number, which I did. Now he calls me just about everyday needing a ride to different places. I feel terrible that I have to say no, but I did say that I didn't have a lot of free time. I think he got offended and has since stopped calling me at all. I enjoyed talking to him, and i said I would help out when I'm free, but I just havent been free as I have had visitors from out of state that have taken all of my free time. And some times, I'm just tired!
I said all that to say that if I allow myself, I would spread myself thin trying to help everyone out and I'd forget about myself. I truly do want to help others, but does that mean that I have to always oblige those that ask me? Does it mean that I should feel guilty when I say no? I don't think so, but I also don't think i should only be used for other peoples needs. ( I really hope that doesnt sound mean).
With the integral assessment, I cant really say that I'm confident in any of the quadrants. I could definitely work on my interpersonal and biological. I keep saying that I'm going to take steps to getting in shape but my life is so hectic that its hard enough for me to find 15 minutes of quiet to do my personal assessments. I keep saying that Im gonna do it, but I really want to start keeping my word.
Hanan
That was a very nice thing you did, helping that man out.I feel I would have handled that the same way you did. It's hard to tell someone no, when you really would like to help them, but you just cant. Life is so hectic and busy, that like you said we spread ourselves so thin, we don't take time for ourselves.
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